Relational Stages

Contact
Perceptual contact - During this stage you decide, in four minutes or less, if you want to pursue a relationship with the individual. Physical appearance, all senses involved, though you may not be aware.

Interactional contact - The opening line, innocuous openers (Are you using that salt?) v. direct v. cute

Involvement
Testing
"Where do you work? What's your major? What religion are you? Is your daddy rich and your mama good lookin’?”

Intensifying
Self-Disclosure
Directness
Endurance - Subject the partner to negative behavior
Indirect Suggestion (What do you think our kids will look like?)
Public Presentation - “boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancée/lover/biker chick”
Separation - Does absence make the heart grow fonder?
Third Party
Triangle - Juvenile

Intimacy
Interpersonal Commitment - private commitment
Social Bonding - public commitment

The “Falling in Love” stage.

Types of Love
Eros - Erotic lover focuses on beauty and attractiveness. Unattainable standards, is often dissatisfied.

Ludus - Retains partner only as long as the partner is interesting or amusing.

Storge - Shares the same qualities as good friendship. Develops over a period of time, lacks passion and intensity(?).

Pragma - Looking for a useful relationship that makes life easier.

Mania - Needs constant affection and attention, fears dissolution of relationship, leads to dysfunctional and/or psychotic behavior such as stalking, oppressive behavior, abuse, or taking abuse.

Agape - Compassionate, egoless, self-giving, Christ-like love.

Deterioration
Intrapersonal/Interpersonal Dissatisfaction
• Original reasons for establishing the relationship have diminished.
• Psychological, social, or physical changes
• Sex or no sex
• Unhappiness with work
• Financial stresses

Communication in Relationship Deterioration
• Withdrawal, silence.
• Increased deception
• Increased negative evaluations
• Decreased verbal support, compliments

Repair
Recognize that there is a problem, get out of denial, define the problem with your partner. Be empathic, keep an open mind, and stay away from terms of finality or extreme such as always and never.

Use appropriate conflict resolution.

Pose possible solutions.

Affirm each other.

Integrate the solutions, in other words, keep your promises, your commitments.

Take risks.


Dissolution

Interpersonal/Intrapersonal Separation